Straight From the Muse

Okay, I have officially taken over Random Chick’s blog. That dimwit ACK couldn’t write a blog post if Klondike Bars were at stake.

Where have I been? Well, let’s just say that muses get a little upset when you stop paying attention to them due to the holidays and visiting In-Laws. I have no time for such non-sense. My job is to inspire and make dreams come true. What do I care about responsibilities?

I simply had to take a vacation from Random Chick’s drama. I booked a trip aboard a lovely cruise ship filled with other abandoned muses. We went to Mexico and drank lots of tequila. One of the grand benefits of being a muse is that we don’t get hangovers, not like you mere mortals. We can drink like a thirsty horse and dance across the tables without the slightest care in the world. Although, we can have sensitive skin and I got a sun burn in one of the worst places ever! Word to all muses on vacation: nude sun worshiping on an aluminum foil blanket is not a good idea. No matter. I just drank 40 bottles of Jose Cuervo and I was fine!

Just when I was about to win the limbo contest though, Random Chick showed up all upset and stuff. She said she’d been looking for me for weeks. Serves her right for neglecting me after Thanksgiving! And gaining 25 lbs is no excuse! By the way, I have no idea how Random Chick got onto the cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. That girl can be resourceful when she needs to be. Reluctantly, I put my arms around her and calmed her down. I should have thrown her overboard. But I’ve grown fond of her antics. When we docked at Puerto Vallarta, she somehow got us onto a tug boat back to the San Francisco Bay Area. Then she caught a case of Montezuma’s Revenge so that’s why I’m writing this post. Poor thing.

Let this be a warning to all writers, artists, and creative human beings everywhere. Do not neglect your muse. We will go on vacation for a long time until you learn your lesson. Muses are very high-maintenance and we need constant attention, kind of like anyone on a reality TV show but more useful. You do not want to get your muse upset or you will be very sorry.

I’d better go now and give Random Chick some more Pepto Bismo.